a couple of days ago, I started to reconnect with god. it was the third time this month that I cried again after the fiasco that I was into. I had a talk with penoy (who by the way has a new xanga) and I cried like a baby just because I was getting upset by the fact that I didn't get to watch the OC. I know its pathetic but it was my only happiness. I never miss a single episode and she had to change the channel and told me that we were going to watch it later. she is ate emelynn aka my aunt's apprentice. ha! if I say that to her she'll probably think its' a compliment. she wishes. she thinks she's the boss while the real boss is not home and she thinks she knows everything and sometimes does my job when I'm supposed to do it. she's the other reason why I had this hellish week at work. first, she insulted me and told me that I finished the whole package of pandesal (filipino dinner rolls) and ate the whole thing for merienda when I just got back home from the library and didn't even eat breakfast and lunch. so I told her that I'm not eating dinner anymore. I mean, who is she? the food police? she told me that I'd get fatter because I was eating a single piece of bread. I mean I already know I'm fat, that's already my reality, but to insult me like that is just plain mean. she doesn't even own the house and she's forbidding me to have a snack. we're not related and she doesn't know me that well so she doesn't have the right to insult me like that. then after dinner, she told me that I can watch my show later when its already 8pm and I already set the channel there, she changed it and I got upset and went upstairs. that's when I called penoy and cried. again.
I'm not sure why I cried, maybe because I miss penoy and I miss my mom. Heck, maybe I miss my whole family. I actually miss home. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't? but she told me to suck it up. and I admit she was right. she also told me that I'm going to meet more people which are bitchier and are suck-ups to the boss and worser than her. the point is I'll go on with my life and never see her again. good point. thank you penoy, I'm glad we had that talk.
her cousin, ate helen who is younger (she's 29) than her (she's 35 and still not married. probably explains her attitude.) and I get along with her fine. she's funny and she never bosses me around. heck, auntie glo is older and ate emelynn bosses her around! i'm starting to love ate helen to pieces. she makes me laugh and she really is like an big sister to me. sometimes she tickles me, and sometimes she offers me food (which I refuse sometimes), and believe it or not, we give each other back rubs. lol. and I like her laugh. and she likes my laugh. if it wasn't for ate helen, I could've bitched at ate emelynn by now. but because I reconnected with god through a prayer, and auntie glo told me not to say negative things about her and my boss-aunt (from the previous entry), I am now quiet. I asked for foregiveness and give me the strength to get through all these things that I am going through right now. I also asked for foregiveness for sneaking in my boss-aunt's room and using her laptop while she's in Las Vegas vacationing with her family. I can't help it. It's my addiction. I've survived one month without using a computer, and I don't want to continue. One month was enough. I also told him to take care of my loved ones and keep them safe. I guess the power of prayer really is good because I stopped crying after that. I realized that nobody's gonna listen to my tears here so why cry? It was a sad cry, but it was a good cry. But its over now. I'm just going to put my mom's last words (after our last conversation, from the previous entry) in my head that I need to make sacrifices. I need this for my future. I need this job so that I can come back to my homeland. I need this job to change my life.
I got my check card on thursday. there's no moolah but the good news is we're getting paid in two weeks and its going to be 2 months worth for me. here's what I'm planning to spend some of my money once I get paid:
-- get a haircut
-- visit bremerton with auntie glo
-- get a new cellphone (still thinking if I'll stay with tmobile or go with cingular)
-- possibly get my laptop (finally)
-- buy a couple pair of shorts, pants, and socks (I don't have enough)
somebody named angela called me last night. and not on my cellphone. here in the foster home at 1 am. and they told me she was talking in tagalog. i have no idea who she was. it still puzzles me. hmm..